Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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