In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The power of my boobs compel you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
