well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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