My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
