So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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