what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
