Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
