My first STD was from a foam party
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
