Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
