The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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