So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
