i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
