You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
