When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
