So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
