She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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