Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
