We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
