i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
