News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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