do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
