i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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