My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
