im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
