he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
