we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
