your parents love me but you hate me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
