there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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