something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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