My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
