she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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