I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
