i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
