i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
