Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she pinky promised me she was 18
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you never un-have a 4some
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
