someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
