Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
