I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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