she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
