he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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