apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
