why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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