So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
