the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
