I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Never let your siblings swipe right.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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