I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And then he peed in my hair
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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