I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
