i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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