Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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