Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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