I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
