I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
