oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
