You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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