yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
