Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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