he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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