I just made out with a guy for $7.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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