And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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