Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
