She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So squirting runs in the family.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
