I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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