Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
