He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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