Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
