i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
