so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize