In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize