Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
