hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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