Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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