I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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