I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
